Analysis of Essay (Utopia/Dystopia)

I got an essay and I received a 60% on it. My professor gave me a chance to revise it so these are the instructions posted:
I attached pictures of my teachers comments and then attached the essay 🙂

In this essay, we are practicing these skills:

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summary and paraphrase
introducing sources
citing sources
analyzing (responding to) sources
organizing
using MLA paper format
Textbook Help

You need to review carefully Chapter 3, Chapters 11, and 5, 6, 8. in the Norton Field Guide showing how to do summary, response, and analysis.

Topic

We are going to summarize and analyze/evaluate one article. Pick EITHER Garreau or Villmoare and Stillman below.

Garreau, Joel. “Prevailing Over Our Dystopias.” Jurimetrics: The Journal of Law, Science, and Technology, vol. 56, no. 4, Summer 2016, pp. 407-411.
OR

Villmoare, Adelaide and Peter G. Stillman, “Pleasure and Politics in Disney’s Utopia.” Canadian Review of American Studies, vol. 32, no. 1, 2002, pp. 81-104.
You will summarize and then respond to the article you select, using a specific set of tools; your response is analytical and evaluative, not an expression of agreement or disagreement. In other words, your thesis needs to make an evaluative claim about how successful the author(s) is/are in using the rhetorical tools you have selected. In the analytical paragraphs, you will make clear topic sentences with a claim about the success with respect to a particular tool and follow with analysis and discussion of specifics drawn from the essay.

In your intro, introduce the general topic with an opening hook, transition to the more specific topic at hand, introduce the essay by author and title, and deliver a thesis that makes an analytical claim (specifically, about how successfully the author or authors use the specific rhetorical tools you are analyzing.
In body section 1, summarize the article fairly and accurately.
In the subsequent body sections, analyze (evaluate) the argument the essay makes , using some of the following tools (the ones that are MOST IMPORTANT and revealing for the source essay):
the support (see Norton page 118)
appeals to readers (ethos, pathos, logos) (see Norton page 118)
how evenhandedly the author presents the argument (see Norton page 119)
logic and logical fallacies (see Norton pages 102-107, 119 and 414-416)
use of authorities and other sources of information (see Norton page 119)
accomplishment of purpose (Norton Chapter 5, page 55-56)
effective appeal to audience (Norton, Chapter 6, pages 57-60)
tone (reflecting author’s stance (Norton, Chapter 6, pages 57-60))
stylistic/rhetorical tools: allusion, parallelism, theme, narrative, metaphor (107-113)
In the conclusion, do what conclusions typically do.
Format

Use the MLA manuscript format (paper format) we have studied. Here is a template. include a correct Works Cited list: link 1 (overall format); link 2 (articles from an online database).

Citation/Works Cited

Anytime that you refer to an article title, it goes in quotation marks. Journal titles and web site names are italicized.
If you use any language that comes directly from the site you’re discussing, be sure to enclose that language within quotation marks.
Since quotations, paraphrases, and summaries will surely be introduced by context, it is expected that your piece will by necessity use copious signal phrases. for introducing material.
After all quotations, summaries, and paraphrases, include in parentheses the relevant page number that is pre-printed in the article. Go here to learn about this in-text (also known as parenthetical) citation.
Do not commit plagiarism.
Include a separate page at the end of your essay, titled Works Cited. The page should be part of the single file you submit. To put the Works Cited on its own page, just go to the end of your memo (the page before the Works Cited), hold down CTRL and press ENTER. Doing so will add what’s known as a “hard page break.” Follow the overall format (spacing, indentation, etc.) provided here and the specific format for online scholarly journals provided here: link. Here is a proper Works Cited for all four sources, but of course, you will only cite two in your essay. What do you think that means for how you need to change your Works Cited?

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